Gormaanda’s Culinary Corner: Glowblue Noodles & Chav

By Gormaanda

Greetings, Gentles! It is I, your culinary caretaker Ms. Gormaanda to once again guide your taste receptors on an ethereal journey.

I know, in recent times, that the availability of fresh ingredients has become increasingly rare. Those nasty trade disputes and border realignments wreak havoc on comestible deliveries. With that in mind, I –- who not only care for your taste buds but also your pocketbooks -– have discovered a recipe whose primary complement is entirely modular!

Yes, gentles, should you wish to prepare it with lean cooked gornt shank or sautéed nerf medallions, this particular dish will deliver. And if meat is too scarce or your own metabolism rejects flesh of any kind, it also stands alone as a vegetarian dish! Enjoy!

Glowblue Noodles & Chav
3 large coneweres, peeled
1 bunch slim spring celto, trimmed
1 milkened tuber, peeled, quartered lengthways and seeded
300 g of teltiar noodles
45 ml of groundnut oil
1 large dabaroo, peeled and finely sliced
2 cloves of shadun, peeled, de-thorned, crushed and finely chopped
1 firebud, seeded
60 ml of steam-distilled chav
15 g of calarantrum seeds

Slice the coneweres into very fine dianogal slices, discarding the rock-nubs. Slice the celto diagonally into thick chunks. Quarter the milkened tuber crossways -– when you get to the seed-husk, you’ll need to halve each quarter again to ensure a uniform size. Put a large pan of ionized water on to boil and cook the noodles as per preference. Most prefer a softened consistency while those with more robust jaws insist on a crunchy texture.

Heat the oil in a flat pan over a fairly high heat and toss in the shadun and the dabaroo. Be aware that the natural phosphors in the dabaroo skin will cause the meal to glow blue during preparation and heating –- hence the name! Fry for four to five minutes, stirring animatedly, until the blue has burned off from an intense cobalt shade to a more refined royal hue. Add the coneweres, celto, firebud and fry for another six minutes. Now, add the tuber, reduce heat, and cover for two minutes.

Before serving, add the noodles, the chav and sprinkle the seeds. Serve immediately -– this quantity provides enough for three famished humanoids, but only you know the size of your dinner guests’ tummies!

Gormaanda is a four-star rated chef and is thrice the recipient of the Orto Culinary Academy Award for Engorgable Excellence. Her column, Gormaanda’s Culinary Corner, appears in newsfeeds Republic-wide.